Merry Christmas my loves.

So I don't celebrate Christmas. I mean, not really. But i do enjoy receiving gifts. So this year my dad had the right idea. Money transferred into my account. Awesome. I can now afford more crack than usual. #festivities.

My mother however, thinks she knows what people need. She gave me one of those extra zoom mirrors. So now, I can see everything that's wrong with my face. Thanks mum. And god bless.

Acid can be amazing...

So the other day, for research, I tried some drugs. The things I do for this blog... Anyway they were fantastic. Now I'm not staying that very one should try them at lest once in their lives... Except I am... So here is a list of some awesome drugs, and how you will/won't react to them.

How to get girls to like you.

So none of my friends have ever asked me for Dating advice. From this I concluded that they already know everything. But then I took a look at their stupid game boy playing, Pokemon talking, final fantasy owning ways and decided- they don't know shit. 

So friends, here is an educational little tutorial for you, on how to get girls. 

1. Be your self motherfucker! 

Can't stress this enough. You can pretend to be a little more awesome at first to grab a girl's attention, but eventually she will figure out that all those Mean Girls references you keep making were googled. 

2. Be funny. 

Us girls love someone who can make us laugh. If its at you or at the hobo dying on the street, it doesn't matter. We like you more.

3. Be confident.

I know we're scary. With all our hair, makeup  and prettyness. But you have to understand that we want to be talked to. If we didn't, then we would wear a ponytail and clothes from Vinnies. Show confidence and we're intrigued.

4. Take pride in your appearance.

Now I'm not saying you have to look like brad Pitt... But... Well that would help. Think sexy guys that girls love, like Ryan Gosling (god knows why), Hugh Jackman (sexy wolverine) and Carrot Top (obviously).

5. Be nice but a little distant.

Girls like nice guys... But not too nice. Of you're too nice, you automatically get friend-zoned. So be all sexy and mysterious. We love that.

Hopefully that helped. And if you're gay.. Well just make eye contact. And if they make eye contact back, you're in! :) 

Lana Del Rey

I love Lana!!! So I painted her. That is all :)

Lesbian Time

So the other day a customer came up to me and asked me out. He was nice enough so I wanted to let him down easy. 

So I told him I wasn't interested because I was a lesbian. 

His reaction was extraordinary. 

"OMG!!" He said. "I am so sorry, gosh, I don't know how I didn't notice it, it's so obvious!" 

Wait, what? 

Should I be proud or should I stop wearing flanno and no make up to work? 

Karaoke Madness

I've never been a big fan of Karaoke... Until last night. Singing badly in from of your friends. Them being too drunk to notice.. Great fun. And happy birthday to my homegirl Carla. Girl, you can sing like nobody's business.

The Excitement that is WORLD BAR

So I roped my friend VEXED CHARM into sampling the deliciousness that is WORLD BAR. And here is the proof, that on a Wednesday night, all of Sydney goes to World Bar.

Now I hate to say in my day.... But in my day, it was THE EASTERN which had people lining up.... now World Bar has really taken over. The lines were huge, but then again we only got there at 11pm. (Pre drinks quickly turned into just drinks. We tried to drink more so that our lovely photographer wouldn't take blurry pictures)

As we rolled to the gates, we were like, "Yo, we are bloggers, all right? We have a camera. It's an expensive camera, and we're not waiting in line." And they were like, "Oh of course, Sir, Madams, go right ahead".

We went in followed by hateful stares from all the ordinary people.


Hot dogs from Harry's Cafe De Wheels!!!

Afraid of commitment .... To the bling.

So like any normal girl my age, I am afraid of a lot of things. 

Spiders, the demons under my bed (I'm not even joking. I keep a tonne of stuff there so the demons have no space to live in) and of course, commitment. 

Now I'm not just talking about relationships, although those are terrifying too. I'm talking about things which are permanent and always in from of your eyes. I'm talking about piercings at tattoos. 

If piercings were Victorias Secret models, I'd be Leonardo DiCaprio. 

If tattoos were rehab, I'd be Lindsay Lohan.

You get then drift. I'm the biggest piercing commitaphobe since Ryan Reynolds (who the fuck divorces Scarlett Johansson? ) 

I have had my nose pierced. That lasted a week. Had to take it out, because I was in danger of blowing myself up.

I've also had my belly done. That also had to come out. My excuse was that I couldn't do yoga. 

In reality, I'm just scared of holes and scars.

So I found a solution. Since I am in love with piercings so much, I can now have them whenever I want. Scar free and painless. How you ask? With these magical child rubber rings.

Now I can be a sexy emo whenever I want to. Seriously, you too can experience the excitement. Go from this :

To this in seconds:

Wow! These sexy plastic rings I bought form Factorie for $9 really bring out my inner 16 year old girl. But with my commitment problems, they are perfect.

Also I have no make up on. Horrible yellow bathroom light does not do me any justice.

Bikini weather :)

Hopefully the weather gets warm soon. Gotta take these out for a spin..

Creepers are impossible to climb trees in

Creepers are these awesome platform shoes. Trees are trees. 

A letter to Imagine Dragons

My Dear Imagine Dragons,

You are a great band. I really enjoy your music and I love your sound. I actually went to your concert in Sydney in 2013. I had to fight through an army of 14 year old girls, but I made it. 

And on stage, you guys were amazing. I mean, at one point, THE ENTIRE BAND played the drums. Now, we were all very impressed by this. By hearing no other instruments. And each of you had your own drum. That was cute.

There is however one point I would like to bring up....please don't feel bad...

But. You guys are making it very difficult to fantasise about you, by being.. well... Ordinary. 

Now I'm not saying you're ugly. Just not aesthetically pleasing. You guys make it impossible to fantasise about you rescuing me from a burning building, and then somehow getting stuck on an island together, and making me your island wife.

There is nothing you can really do... But if you really want to improve, you should probably show more boob(in your case, man peck). Trust me.

 

Yours Sincerely,

Girl With The Demon Tail xx

A polite request for more tits.

So there have been requests to show some boob. And I definitely will... Next time ;)

-Girl with the demon tail xx

Sculpture Fun

I am very fond of sculpture. Just like David and Venus De Milo, I too, have been fortunate enough to be immortalised in stone. 

4 years ago, I posed for a renowned artist and sculptor Thomas Bucich. 

The sculpture is titled 'Power, Pleasure and Pain'. If you know me at all, then yes, to answer your question, I was the pain.

It was great fun, and the work turned out quite spectacular. So in 1000 years, when future generations discover it in someone's back yard, I will be very proud. Also, very dead....

This is what happens when you spend your food money on clothes...

So sometimes when you see some amazing dresses on sale, I guess it's NOT a good idea to buy them, when you are well aware of that giant rent/bill/debt you have hanging over you.

As a result, you end up sitting alone and eating corn crackers. Seriously. Those things taste and look like sawdust. When you bite into them, a little bit of sawdust comes out. 

My point is, maybe saving money isn't such a crazy idea. Plus, the more you save, the more sawdust crackers you can afford. 

Rain won't stop us

First dates and Boobs!

My friend and I were talking the other day. I know, shocker right? Who has friends these days? Her and I talked about first dates. Now hear me out... An if you don't feel like reading, I have put a picture of a boob at the end of this post. So the least you can do is scroll down and see it......

My friend went out on a date, she said it was amazing. Fantastic. Incredible. The best date ever... Except for one thing..

The guy never called again. 

She was deeply upset, thinking she wasn't pretty enough, funny, skinny and interesting enough. Just the usual girl emotions. 

This made me think of first dates. And also of food. But I'm always thinking of food. 

So for all crazy girls and boys out there. This is a story from my personal experiences. Enjoy. And don't forget to scroll down to the boob if you haven't already done so.

One of the best dates I ever went on was with a guy I never saw again. We drank in a cool bar. Then we saw his friend's band play. And drank some more. Then we danced and he pulled out.... Lilies! My favourite. I had pollen all over my nose. It was hilarious. And it was such a good night. I thought it was worthy of waking my housemate up for. He disagrees. 

Sometimes it's the fun and memories you're attracted to, not the person. 

My girlfriend sees the error o her ways now. From now on she said she will only go out with black guys. I second that. 

And here is the boob, you sick fucks :)

Perfect gumboot weather!

FINDING AN ABANDONED HOUSE....AND TAKING PICTURES

Hi there! Yes, you!

Thank you for visiting my blog. This is one of my first entries.
Its a photoshoot I did in order to show off this amazing new thing science has developed.

THANK YOU SCIENCE!!

Hair Chalk. Now, now, hear me out! It's chalk... you put on your hair to colour it.... and it magically stays.


AMAZING..

You can get it anywhere atm. I got mine at Sportsgirl. And when that ran out at Factorie.

Go out and get some! Washes out so easily :)